Introduction to Hallway Apologetics

I love to share testimonies. I love to share the story of what my living God has done in my life. It revives my faith and renews my faith in His power and strength, but it also encourages the person on the receiving end.

But what about the testimony that hasn’t been finished yet? The undone mess in our life that God has promised an expected end or outcome that we don’t see yet.

Are those stories less meaningful and powerful? What about the Shunamite woman who had the faith to hold her dead son and make her way to the prophet who made her the promise that she would have a son? She had the faith to hold what was in front of her, while also believing in the strength of God’s power and His promise.

When I came to the revelation that God was real and that He wanted me to know Him, I had no experience or background in following Jesus. In fact, my whole life I had done the opposite to that point. Raised in the Hebrew Israelite tradition with sprinkles of new age and legalism, I remember clear as day, standing on the altar of college ministry prayer gathering, “God, I believe in you, but you’re going to have to help me to believe in this….Jesus…”

While God has helped me day by day see His glory revealed in His son, I’ve had a lot of unforming and reshaping through God’s Word, Spiritual formation, and discipleship. But if I’m honest, I’m still being reshaped and being unformed in things that were not true to God’s word or character. There are some days when God shows me something in my life that’s off or unhealed, and it does feel heavy. When will I get to the promise, Lord? This is hard, painful, and sometimes a little scary in the uncomfortable places in my life and in my heart.

I’ve got a lot of unfinished testimonies in my life that God is building my character, endurance, as well as building my faith and strength as I look to the Lord’s heart and character. So when I’m feeling undone and unfinished inside of my process of being sanctified and my healing journey throughout life, I can (and I do my best to) stare at Christ’s authority when He said, “it is finished”. Reminding me that I am already made clean and justified through the blood of Jesus. Every single time, it is the blood of Jesus and His finished work on the cross that gives me hope.

Sitting in the waiting of one of my “undone testimonies”, I was encouraged by a dear friend and sister in Christ who was sitting with me in the middle of my mess, and she said, “Many people will talk about a testimony when it’s come to pass, but not many will talk about it when they are still in the hallway”. She was encouraged by my willingness to cling to God’s revelation to me while many of the things I was holding were hard and undone. And it sparked something in me, I don’t have to wait to share and write when it’s over, I can share in the undone spaces. To write to my God, how I know he’s faithful, true, and real even when the storms are raging, and the winds are ripping through me, and I can’t see the end of a thing yet, holding on to the promise He made.

There are some things that my God is still healing and revealing in my life, that I can’t wait to share because maybe someone else is in the same undone place as me.

I am saved by grace, but every single day of my life, he is wooing me with his unfailing and unconditional love and bringing me in closer to Him and His presence.

Some of the topics I hope to cover in this corner of my Substack are my struggles with legalism, works, pride, false teachings, and the effects that bring skepticism, fear, and struggles to trust (God, self, and others). I’ve been in rooms where I’ve reacted from deep pain and trauma that were in fact safe spaces, but I’ve also been in rooms that were deeply unhealthy and toxic, that I stayed in for far too long. I hope to talk about that too. In the midst of these experiences, it has contributed to my spiritual walk and journey and given foundation to the spiritual formation toward Christ, not away from Him.

This is my defense of the faith. Of the Gospel. That is enough, more than enough in fact. The goodness of God and the Good news; The faith that changed my life, is always what I hope to point back toward. That in this journey with God it was from an encounter with the God of Israel who said “I am who I am”, knows my name, and saved me from death. Death in my sin, and death in my fear of man and legalistic ways. He’s still saving me daily, but I hope this time I’m resting in my faith that through His grace, I am saved not by any works or any striving to get it right or perfect even. I am, through the Holy Spirit, learning grace, practicing presence, and learning what true rest in a gentle and lowly Messiah can bring to me. Bringing me things I’ve only ever experienced in Him, like joy, peace, and acceptance.

So, if you’re anything like me, and you’re unforming from painful experiences and re-learning the basics of grace, mercy, and love inside of the Lord’s compassion for you. In this little hallway, you’re allowed to be undone and unfinished as we defend our faith and find hope in Him, too. Sometimes it feels dark in the hallway when something is undone, but His light always pierces through the darkness. But if you’re having a hard time seeing His light through blurred eyes and tear-stained cheeks, know you aren’t alone. We can sit in the hallway together, putting our lights together, and be reminded of His marvelous light.