Becoming the Bride of Christ
Surrendering A New Thing
God asked me to surrender the hardest thing yet. Marriage. He placed a ring on my finger out of practical safety when I went on my first mission trip to Africa. We were all required to wear one to avoid complications with where we were traveling. Before I left, God began dealing with my heart. Showing me the things, I wanted more than His presence.
Revealing the desires in my heart that were not necessarily “bad” or “evil” but out of order had become a distraction. He spoke to my heart an amount of time I would be waiting and asked if I would stare at Him in that time versus this desire in my heart.
I was up for the challenge because I knew I needed to surrender this desire that was becoming a burden and causing weariness of waiting. But I had no idea how hard it would be. It felt like as soon as I stopped looking, I started being seen. I questioned “Did God really say…?”
I knew He did. And I knew it was for my protection. He began prompting me to study what it meant to be His bride amid these questions being prompted in my heart. My ring got lost. I felt….exposed.. This ring, which He asked me to wear that I really didn’t want to wear because I didn’t want to confuse any potential prospects (of course), became a symbol of my season of walking in deep closeness and intimacy with the Lord, and I started to yearn for Him more than the other things in my heart.
After considering buying another promise ring, I remembered my grandmother’s wedding band. A beautiful yellow gold ring, my actual preference in jewelry and rings, I put on one of the bands. I deeply desired to wear a ring to signify my commitment to the Lord and this season of waiting full of hope and expectation of Go,d but I was still leery of wearing a band and ring set out of feeling “weird” or “strange”. I felt divided in my heart, and then I felt prompted by God to wait to place the ring part of the set on. There were some things in my heart that I had not fully laid down in this journey of surrendering to Christ and being fully committed. He wasn’t put off by it, He already knew. He just gave me permission to be honest.
Falling and Getting Back Up
That same weekend I put the band on, I sinned against God. Nothing egregious, but God says if to you it is wrong, it is sin, do not do it (Romans 14:23). I was comparing what to others was not wrong to begin to consider and compare what I could do. I was heavy with grief and shame, but God pulled me up and out of my self and my weakness by staring at Him, and in the midst of that moment, a face full of tears and a heart full of sorrow, I felt prompted by God in that moment to put the other ring on. Feeling completely unworthy of Him, I put on my wedding band to the Lord with pride that even though there is nothing I could give him, he wanted me. Not my works, not any of my striving, not even any words I could offer, but just me. And for the first time, I just wanted Him back. His presence. His fullness. His steadfast love.
He's committed to us. He’s dedicated to us. We are his beloved. His Betrothed.
So when He placed on my heart to begin to study what it means to be the bride of Christ, it was no surprise but kind of an obvious next step. What I didn’t expect was for him to whisper to my heart the question of “Are you content in me”? I was ready to study Revelations 19:6 and 2 Corinthians 11:2 and make it a head question, but he wanted to make it a heart question. Because only He can purify our hearts, and only he knows everything that is in our hearts. He didn’t ask this question to condemn me or send me on a guilt trip. He asked me this question so that I would sit patiently in His presence, in quiet faithfulness hidden in Him, and wait for Him to reveal to me what was in my own heart as I come and sit with Him and His Word daily. Knowing that I am not made right by God by what I can do or fix, but by my ability to come to him in total dependence and full reliance that He will perform and complete what he has begun in me (Philippians 2:13).
I still don’t have all the answers on what it means to be the bride of Christ. But in His still small voice, and in the quiet of His whispers, I know it starts with a desire to long and seek His Presence with humility, awareness of our brokenness, and therefore grace poured out for us, knowing we can never give Him anything in return outside of our yes.
Despite knowing all of this. Gazing at His faithfulness, I still struggle in the waiting. The loneliness in my heart and ache for companionship and to be known still rise high in my heart, which is every human’s heart's desire: to be known. He met me in my vulnerable awareness that I couldn’t wait well without Him. This was his encouragement to me:
Daughter,
If you are not content with me, no husband, no career, friendships, or finances will ever be enough for you. You were not content in your marriage because you were not content with me first. To be satisfied in me is to be fulfilled in seeking and deeply longing for me. For my strength, my power, and my might (Psalm 105:3-4 AMPC)
To deeply seek and long for my face and my presence
To remember with awe and gratitude the things I’ve done and my amazing deeds will help you to wait well and be content in me (Psalm 105:5 AMPC). Knowing of my faithfulness and my steadfast love will keep you from fearing your enemies.
I have plans for you that are good, not evil (Jeremiah 29:11), to bless and prosper you. But I will not give you something before you have the character and endurance to carry the blessings I want to give you (Romans 5:3-4). If you who are evil give your children bread rather than a snake when they ask of you, what do you expect me to give you when you ask (Matthew 7:11)?
I will give you your heart’s desires as long as they are according to my will. Seek first the kingdom of heaven and then all these things will be given to you (Matthew 6:33)
Seek me first.
Love me more
Deeply long for my presence
Be satisfied in me in your waiting.
I know that you want companionship. I know that you want things for your future.
But there is nothing that I can give you that will bring you to a place of security and comfort more than my presence.
As you stare at me, my eyes of fire, giants will become small, fears will fade, and insecurities will fall away.
I love you and long for you. Do you long for me or for my hand?
I am committed and dedicated to you. I’ve made a covenant that can not be broken, to keep you, to prepare a place for you.
Are you prepared for me? Dressed in fine linen as you wait for the place I’ve prepared for you?
Committing yourself to righteousness, integrity, character, and moral uprightness (Rev 19:6). Not in your own works, striving, or ability, but in mine, of course? Relying on my Spirit to keep you, my presence to encourage you, and my strength to hold you up. I don’t expect you to do any of this within yourself, but to be completely dependent and reliant on me.
Do not compromise and stand with the world. They are double-minded. Wanting my blessings and their rebellion and wicked deeds at the same time.
Want what I can give and provide, but not more than My holy presence.
For it is in my presence that you will find fullness of Joy (Psalm 16:11). It is in my presence that shame, guilt can not sustain themselves. For you are blameless in my sight (Romans 5:1), I’ve made you clean, and you are in right standing with me when you accept my son that he’s come from Me (Hebrews 10).
You’re commitment to me, your ring, your vows, your white dress
Your commitment is as pure as your baptism died with Christ,
Your life dressed up in fine linen of integrity
Your vows are a direct outpouring of My word written on your heart.
Follow my ways, write my commands on your heart that you act out of obedience (Deut 6:4), surrender, and be full of trust in my ways because you know who I am.
You are clear about who I am.
You remember who I am.
What I delivered to you and your father and generations before you from and out of.
That you would not grow weary
You will not be led astray
Because you know who I am.
Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46).
Selah.
My encouragement to you
If you’re waiting, trust that waiting in Him is waiting well. That he has something grand and big for you. Don’t grow weary in the waiting, trust that His plans are better than yours, just like his ways are higher than ours. It’s okay to cry out to Him in the waiting. It’s okay to tell Him everything; He knows anyway (Psalm 139:23). But just in case, know that there is no safer place than his presence, being comforted by the one who knitted you together (Psalm 139:13;15), formed you, and collects every single tear (Psalm 56:8.
Maybe you’re not waiting on marriage. Maybe you’re waiting on financial stability inside of a new career pursuit, a good report on your health after battling for a while, or for your prodigal son or daughter to return home to both you and to Christ. I urge you to surrender the deepest longing in your heart in exchange for more of God. Surrender your heart. You’ll gain something even greater in the waiting (with hopeful expectation): Him.
With Love and a Surrendered Heart
